Thanks Dad

Having been kind enough to purchase some building materials on his trade account, my father recently handed me this cryptic peice of paper indicating the amount of the transaction. Foolishly, I anticipated the number at the bottom of the page to be the total, rather than the number in the middle of the page.

----- Original Message -----
From: Nick Buick
To: DBuick
Sent: Wednesday, December 02, 2009 2:15 PM

Hey guys, I just put in the number at the bottom of this sheet of paper but upon looking more closely it appears that these random numbers have nothing to do what the amount I actually owe you. Up the top it says $492 is the total - I think you may have just jotted some other numbers on the paper at the bottom. If $492 is correct can you please send me back the remaining $228 please? Thanks.

Kind Regards

Nick Buick

________________________________

From: dbuick
Sent: Thursday, 3 December 2009 11:55 AM
To: Nick Buick
Subject: Re:

Vick the correct number is $492 Treated pine $388 Dynabolts $74 Gal nails $ $30 Total $492.

Love Dad.

________________________________

From: Nick Buick
Sent: Thursday, 3 December 2009 12:03 PM
To: 'dbuick'; 'Deb Buick'
Subject: RE:

Hey Dad,

I assume you have now started referring to me as Vick for some reason. Perhaps in honour of the man with glasses who used to manage the Corner Store: Bay-Boats, when I was a child. He was a nice man, sometimes he'd let me fish boiled lollies from his trousers.

Thank you for clarifying the cost of $492, however I've already transferred a total of $720 to you due to the decoy numbers strategically scribbled on the paper you gave me ;). Is it possible to please refund me the remaining $228?

Thanks Dad :)

Love Vick

Tenants Ask Nick

Despite being a professional website developer, therefore having entirely no legal training whatsoever, and in addition to carrying a gigantic disclaimer on our Contact Us Page stating we cannot help with legal questions, tenants around Australia contact me almost daily seeking free legal advice on the rent related dilemas that they find themselves in.

Rather than simply reiterating the message that is already on the contact form that I cannot help them, I have instead taken to entertaining myself at their expense as a form of compensation for inflicting their stupidity onto me.

-----Original Message-----
From: kayla wilson
Sent: Thursday, 3 December 2009 7:06 AM
Subject: Rent Australia Web Site Query

name : kayla wilson

comment : comments can my landord not provide me with a telephone service? if there is a fault with the telephone line external and internal do i have to pay to have the problem fixed with my telephone provider?

Referer Page: http://www.rentaustralia.com.au/content/fetchFiles/contact+Us/contactUs.htm/365/

-----Original Message-----
From: Nick Buick
Sent: Thursday, 3 December 2009 10:27 AM
To: kayla wilson
Subject: RE: Rent Australia Web Site Query

Dear Ms Wilson,

Thank you for your email to us.

I'm pleased to report to you that the answer is no, in no state or territory in Australia may your Land Lord legally rent a house to you without providing a telephone service. In fact, recent changes to the Tenancy Act Legislation of 1982 now require all land lords to provide you with not just a telephone service, but also high-speed internet as part of tenancy agreement. If high-speed internet is not available in your area, the landlord must dress naked and perform the chicken dance in your front yard while you pelt him with copies of the Ron Fricke film Baraka on VHS for 48 hours continually as punishment for being such a poor land lord as to rent a property in an area that doesn't carry high-speed internet or a phone service.

I trust this quenches your thirst for knowledge, if I can be of any further assistance to you, freely spending my days answering your legal questions despite having no legal training whatsoever, please don't hesitate to ask.

Kind Regards,
Nick Buick

My Dishwasher

Dear Technika,

I own a Technika Dishwasher which I have found to be an excellent appliance – always getting my dishes exceptionally clean. Unfortunately, having exceeded the 3 year warranty period by several seconds, my Technika dishwasher’s PC Board has arbitrarily failed and now requires total replacement. As is to be expected with all recurring revenue drivers, the cost of replacement for this small component is roughly the equivalent of an entire new dishwasher. I am therefore writing to enquire as to the feasibility of your new dishwashers, namely, do you offer extended 5 year warranty; and if I choose to take up this option, what is the average turn-around time for your distributors to remove the 3-year warranty PC-Board and replace it with a PC-Board pre-programmed to burn out after exactly 5 years thereby ensuring my continued business? And finally, is there any added cost for this additional service?

If you could please provide me with answers to the above questions it will help me evaluate whether to opt for a dishwasher that will burn out after exactly 3 more years, or if I should pay the extra money for a unit that will burn out after exactly 5 years.

Thank you for your attention to this matter,

Kind Regards,

Nick Buick